I am not sure when it started, but I have decided "it" ends today. Now I haven't changed my eating habits (fad-diets, "healthy" movements all the while), drinking habits (steady, frequent) or exercise regimen (even added some extra cardio with all this shoveling lately – no seriously, I was running between shovel paths) in the past few years-- so what gives? There is a big white devil-elephant in the room, and it's called my expanding midsection. Today I realized that my abs were no longer noticeable, no matter how much I inhaled. I also realized that the usual straightening up of my posture, and "sucking it in" STILL made me look un-thin. YIKES MOMENT!!! So what's a Liquor Chick to do? I am swearing here, on this blog, to do something about it. I feel I had to put it in writing and not just whine about it to the husband, friends and children that just don't get it. ("You were probably too thin to begin with!" reasoned one logical girlfriend - Um. that's not helpful. "That's what happens when you get older!" said the oh-so-lawyerly spouse. Yeah, that'll get you lots of action this weekend.) "You need to lose weight" said the four-year old. AHA! Now that's what I am talking about! Out of the mouths of babes comes the truest ‘dat’ that I've heard all week.
Don't get me wrong -- I am still one of the fittest bad-ass chicks you'll ever know. I mean, how many women actually ask for 30-pound hand weights for Christmas? And, I can hold a plank the longest of anyone in my family. Hey, that's pretty impressive -- My four-year old now takes yoga. Push ups? 40 reps, straight as a board (no wimpy knees for me). So all in all, fitness and strength levels -- gooood.
But there is that pesky (multiplying) layer of skin (okay, fat?) that has adhered itself to my six-pack, glutes and hammies...and it now needs to go AWAY!! Is it winter warmth that my body aims to create, by packing on a few extra? It wasn't THAT long ago that I looked this this:
And I am not doing too much differently than I was doing back then. Same old occasional indulgences or a once-in-a-while vacation from healthy eating. But I used to be able to do this from time to time, remark about the Guinness Gut that I developed (aptly named in Dingle, Ireland) and know that this temporary condition would be gone faster than it took me to run out of the chilly peninsula’s ocean when I saw the sewage pipes nearby.
Or that was how it used to go. Now –and by now, I just mean since the start of the cold weather, when I will speed up the hour of cocktails or sample a few too many low-fat warming brownies – the Guinness Gut seems to have made way to a Perma-pooch. And I am not gonna take it anymore! This is the year of 20th high school reunions, friends with hot tubs and a constant need to look one’s best (Isn’t every year though?)
Speaking of hot tubs, I was in one last week with my college girlfriends who hadn’t seen me in over a year, and one of them remarked, “Hey, isn’t that the bathing suit you were wearing for the Boston Globe photo?” (seen above, when my daughter and I frolicked on the beach and we weren’t ashamed to have our pictures taken doing so. Today she would probably throw her body in front of mine, since, as she claims, I need to “lose weight”. Sweet girl). I responded that yes, this was the suit. And you know what that was met with? Total silence. I know what they were thinking – “Hey, that photo must have been airbrushed, because you don’t quite look the same in it HERE in front of us.”
Oh well, at least it still fits. Wait, do two piece bathing suits ever NOT fit, or do we just finally give in to the fact that we are spilling out of them in all the wrong places? Good question. I have always been the one with the opposite of a self-confidence problem. Always thinking I look fabulous, I have finally realized that since I now think I may be looking not quite my best – that I must really look atrocious. White elephant-like, even.
So where can I place this blame?? That’s another blog I suppose. But here I am taking up the initiative to change. Where do I start? Not swiping the peanut-butter and jelly crusts left over at mealtime? Passing by the bowl of candy and not having “just one.” Swapping out my decadent coffee creamer for skim milk? Try all of the above and more. When I stop to really think about it, all those stolen bites and smallish indiscretions have really added up – just like the numbers on the scale. I am undertaking this blog to chronicle my journey back to looking like the Boston Globe hottie. Today is Day 1. I will detail my eating, exercising and drinking habits daily, in hopes to get a handle on what's created these love handles... Though maybe I should start tomorrow – I just made kids’ lunches, and… well… let’s just say I should go shovel the driveway AGAIN to make up… But don’t think this new dedication to tracking my intakes and outputs will sacrifice any sort of fun I have. After all, Liquor Chick drinks are healthy, low calorie alternatives to high sugared alcoholic drinks. We all know we need THOSE from time to time (okay, daily).
Seriously, I am determined to show you that we can stick to our lose-10-pounds plan and not give up drinking. After all, what’s the fun in that? We can’t deprive ourselves of EVERYTHING just because we want to see our abs again. Plus, it was another snow day from school today. We’re lucky we’re not drinking already!! Though I am counting the minutes.
BOTTOM LINE: In order to be happy with my bottom again, I will keep track of my meals, snacks, workouts and cocktails in this blog. Follow along with me, and we’ll both be looking hotter than hot come our 20th year reunions this summer (though my goal is February 21st – one month from today). When you see me, feel free to keep me honest… I’ll try not to spit my drink at you.